Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Semen is not good for contacts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
