Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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