she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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