We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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