oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
