he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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