Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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