I'm so fucking centered right now
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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