Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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