We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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