well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
