he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is the high leading the old right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
