from now on my penis is your penis
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Come see our sink grown plant.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
