this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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