Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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