I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
