how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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