She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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