Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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