Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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