he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
