Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
