I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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