Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
