Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize