it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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