My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
