How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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