he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
