i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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