I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
