How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
