Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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