I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
