At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
