Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
