Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
