Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
