I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
