____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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