I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
