It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my liver is dry heaving
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
