Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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