OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
vagina is talking i cant
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
