first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
