I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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