who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
