i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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