Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
