When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
