The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
