You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
