so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
