i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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