Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
