nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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