I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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