Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
