What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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