And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
