do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
