Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
