I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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