Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
